Have you ever watched a private try to mark a mountain road with breakfast?

Have you ever watched a private try to sink a fortress’s patience with a fleet made of supper squash?

Have you ever watched Brandon Herrera try to hold a ranch gate against a column of lancers with the house jars and a well rope, on the plain theory that a horse will think twice about a floor it cannot see?

Have you ever watched a private try to steal a charge with other men's cowbells and the modest hope that a lancer would rather chase a herd that was not there than finish the one that was?

Have you ever watched a private try to clear a city block with a string of dried peppers, a stolen cook fire, and the cheerful notion that the enemy’s eyeballs were fair game if his musket was not?

Have you ever heard a private try to win a battle by teaching the enemy to dance to the wrong tune, with borrowed brass and a grin that said the other fellow’s ears were the weakest point on the line?

Have you ever watched a grown man try to outsmart an entire battery of Mexican cannons using nothing but empty crates, leftover tent canvas, and the pure conviction that the other side might just be dumb enough to fall for it?